Missed Connections

April 9th, 2010 § 13

Dearest single ladies of the greater Phoenix area,

As I peruse the internet I happened upon a website called Craigslist and there is a section within that site call Missed Connections where the love-lorn and the star-crossed may leave a binary shout out to their unrequited loves. As I browsed I was struck by the strange absence of my name or postings asking for me. I thought this to be just a mistake as I am pretty awesome. I surmised that you are not descriptive enough in your posts as to catch my attention so, to that end, I have written a Missed Connection for you to use so that you may garner my attention better. » Read the rest of this entry «

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

April 3rd, 2010 § 11

I haven’t spoken to my brother in 20 years, not really. Not that we dont converse weekly, its that there is no transfer of actual content of any meaningful nature. Not sure how this all began but we both seem content to leave things as they are.

“Hello?”

“Yes, hi Chris it is your brother”

“You know I have caller ID right?”

“Yes I am aware of that”
» Read the rest of this entry «

Things to say to make you sound like a bad ass

March 24th, 2010 § 18

In daily life we are usually not confronted with situations that call for violence. But there are those times when a physical confrontation is unavoidable. To that end I have developed a list of sayings ,that when used in an altercation, might make your would -be assailant think twice.

“I will double-knot your sneakers.”

“I will re-sort your Tupperware.”
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This is Walmart!

March 14th, 2010 § 27

My back was killing me.

I had just moved into my new house and all the lifting really tweaked my back. I’m not sure why, I was keeping my legs locked and lifting with my groin as I was taught. I took a hand full painkillers and still could not sleep, I needed a heating pad. I was not feeling pain but I knew I had to fix my back or I would pay for it in the morning.

Looks like I was heading to Walmart as it was 4 am.
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