My back was killing me.
I had just moved into my new house and all the lifting really tweaked my back. I’m not sure why, I was keeping my legs locked and lifting with my groin as I was taught. I took a hand full painkillers and still could not sleep, I needed a heating pad. I was not feeling pain but I knew I had to fix my back or I would pay for it in the morning.
Looks like I was heading to Walmart as it was 4 am.
Walmart at its best is a nightmare, the shallow end of the gene pool laid bare for all to see. At it’s worst its akin to a Fellini movie starring the cast of Deliverance. As I walked in I was accosted by some twenty-something stoners driving the Walmart scooters in circles. The scooters are for the elderly and disabled not banal hipsters that are on the pot with their Rock and Roll music (get off my lawn!-God I’m old). Cheech and Chong over there seemed to think that the carts were meant for them and not the elderly lady walking in the door. After a few moments of this lady waiting for the stoners to get up and offer her a cart she started to hobble into the store.
I saw this and as I had already reached my limit of rudeness and bullshit for the day and took action.
I walked over and yelled “Hey, jackball. Get of the cart”. His reply was that there were other carts available and then he questioned my parentage. I tend to act rashly at times and my tolerance for jackassery is very low. I leaned back a bit, raised my knee to waist height and loosed a vicious snap kick to the scooter seat. The desired effect was realized as the hippie went flying. His buddy got of his scooter and I walked the scooter over to lady. She said she was fine and I insisted that she use the scooter that she obviously needed. She thanked me and I wished her a good day.
The moral of my story should be obvious by now, I am a complete tool with poor impulse control.
That and I think I’m a superhero.
A Walmart Superhero
Twitter
Facebook
RSS
StumbleUpon
you forgot to mention that the scooters are for fat people who dont realize that being fat is NOT a disability or a disease
I came to comments to post this. Where I live, the scooters are apparently for this purpose only.
yes. fatness IS NOT a disability. the healthy weight of a grown male is 150-175 (depending on height). and your claiming that 100 pounds over that is a disability? thats only 250-275. i see 300-350+ easily walking… only way fatness is a disability is when you are to large to even get out of bed, or through a door (even if you turn sideways). and as far as the guy with the oxygen. yes, he is NOT disabled. the oxygen gives him the air his body needs to do many thing, including.. get this.. walk. i live with someone on oxygen, he uses carts from time to time. but thats because his knees are just about shot. how ever if he just has to get something real quick (even from the back of the store) he wont mind using a cane to WALK. claiming obesity as a disability is just laziness. get the hell up off your fat ass and walk. and for those who barely eat and still gain wait. same applies to them, get off your fat ass and move, go work out.
Tacoman, you show your ignorance, being fat is not a disability?? Carrying around 100 lbs. of excess weight is akin to carrying around 100 lb. sack of potatoes everywhere you go. Lets see you do that and walk to the far end of walmart to pick up an item in the back of the store.
So what you’re really saying is the fat person should suffer because of their disability because you think they deserve it. What about the person who needs oxygen because he smoked all his life, and no longer has the breath to walk around wal-mart? He doesn’t deserve a ride in the scooter either, because he brought it on himself, according to your line of thinking.
Show some compassion for your fellow human beings, and be thankful that you don’t have a problem with overeating.
Wow. I really have to disagree with you here. Being fat is NOT a disability. Maybe if “Fat Girl” would walk around the store instead of using the scooter, she could burn some calories and lose some weight! I’m sure that a lot of people would agree that being fat is merely a sign of laziness. Seriously, what does your diet consist of potato chips, cola, and McDonald’s? How many non deep-fried vegetables do you eat in a day? Honestly, unless you have a thyroid problem, being fat will never be a disability, just lazy.
People that are overweight have a higher incidence of osteoarthritis in their joints. That causes pain. If they’re in pain, then can they ride a scooter?
Fat people bring it upon themselves too. And if you don’t like carrying around the potatoes, drop that shit.
u did something i always wished i could do…but i prob would have got arrested for what i would have done to them…lol do work man!
I can understand the stoners, but what the heck would a lil’ ol’ lady be doing at Wal-mart at 4AM?
Sorry, but it did make me wonder!
Superhero? Sure. But no way was that jackass a Hippie! Puh-lease!
How’s your back?
Hairy
Bwhahahahahahaha!
sorry to hear that
I have to disagree with you that you are a tool for these heroics. Any time you get to send a hippie flying through the air because he’s being an idiot is one more win for the good guys.
Well done…..I say….well done.
I do like to smash hippies
OH Yee Superhero of Wal-Mart, where were you when I was 7 months pregnant and beginning premature labor and all the employees that I asked to fetch a cart from the front of the store in a lame attempt to stave off the inevitable told me that I could go and get one, they are at the front of the store.
They are the tools. Who says chivalry is dead?
Rollback… common courtesy
I can’t help but smile. Two years ago I took my FIL to Walmart. He had been in a nursing home for a long time after his bitch of a wife tried to kill him. I got him a scooter and he smiled. Then he tried to drive it (this after losing the keys to his Lincoln 10 years before) and knocked into display after display that had been placed at the ends of the rows.
It was the first and last day I ever heard my FIL, who was completely deaf, lose it and laugh out loud.
He died in November, I bet there’s scooters in heaven. I’m sure that we negatively impacted the shopping experience of three or four uptight ladies, but I smile when I remember little old Kenny on the scooter.
The thought of him wreaking havoc in Walmart brings a smile to my face.
As I type in my email, I realize that I sound like a middle-schooler with a pink bedazzled backpack, gel pens, and some pigtails. I really should change my email.
Anyway, I just wish I was friends with people like you. You make me laugh and I absolutely love your Star Wars references. Star Wars anything makes me a happy lady.
Remember Pogs?
Also, I didn’t mean to reply to the Wal Mart post. It was just a general comment.
Yeah, I remember those. Although, they weren’t so popular in my are growing up.
For those who suggest that calling the cops is a better idea…
http://www.news4jax.com/news/24245982/detail.html
We have a Target in the rough part of town we call Targhetto. Probably not original, but what the heck.
i smoke weed… i respect the elderly, i went to college, i work two jobs, graveyard shifts mostly, and don’t appreciate all the hate everbody gives everbody. let the fat people, the smokers, the faggot that can’t lift properly and threw his pussy-ass back out at 4 am and the sweet old lady all ride the scooters… who gives a shit? really i rode them everyday cause i worked at fuckin walmart and they fuckin suck to push chris. when is the last time any of you did anything fun instead of put someone else down? i love yous guys, no homo, called it. share the fuckin scooters that’s the least of all our problems… -joe-
I agree with Joe. I don’t smoke marijuana, But I am a 22 year old girl who has some horrible luck. Iv’e always been active in sports (cheerleading,softball,soccer…etc..) and I’ve always LOVED working out. (I know…weird) I love the burn you get in your muscles when youre finished. I’ve also always been on a really healthy diet. All throughout school I was extremely healthy,fit,and active, until one day when I was WALKING to class and my knee popped for absolutely no reason. I went to the dr and found out that a piece of knee cartilage snapped off.I told him that I was active in sports and that I exercise frequently,figuring he would say that was the reason for the break, but he told me that wouldnt have caused this and that sometimes bodies do things for no real reason. I ended up having surgery.(this was when I was about 17-18). Once my knee healed I got back to my regular routine of exersize, but it started getting harder and harder for me to do. I went back to the doctor only to find that I have an uncurable bone disease called RA that is almost always found in older men and women but can sometimes be blessed(sarcasm) upon younger ppl. I then found that I had mononucleosis which the dr. claims I most likely got when I was on the swimming team through pool water. I always tried avoiding drugs,unhealthy foods,and anything dangerous to my health, but some people just arent lucky I suppose.
Now I’m 22yrs old taking so many meds that the inside of my purse looks like a pharmacy. The meds I take have turned me from a 5′7′ 130lber to a 5′7′ 200lber.
I still eat healthy and exercise as much as my body will allow, but I have to live day to day getting made fun of for my weight and I’m treated like I’m lazy or undeserving. I think that what you did to the boys on the cart was awesome because they were just being jackasses, but to those of you judging overweight people…you need to understand that that isnt fair. not everyone that is overweight is lazy or cant keep the fatty foods out of their mouth.