In daily life we are usually not confronted with situations that call for violence. But there are those times when a physical confrontation is unavoidable. To that end I have developed a list of sayings ,that when used in an altercation, might make your would -be assailant think twice.
“I will double-knot your sneakers.”
“I will re-sort your Tupperware.”
“I guess its time to potty-train the monkey.”
“Got your co-pay ready?”
“Paper or plastic?”
“I am the Sun and you are the Moon.” (just keep repeating this)
“I am the Gatekeeper, are you the Key-master?”
“I am not gonna pay allot for this muffler.”
I am not sure that any of these work as I haven’t been in a fight for 20 years. Having said that, I would think twice if a confrontational person uttered any of these lines as they squared of with me.
retweeted. funny.
I’m about to remove the MSG from your Kung Pao!
I like that one
I’ve heard that if a woman is being raped, she should act like she’s a crazy person so the assailant will leave her alone. Maybe even shit her pants so he’ll be grossed out and leave her alone.
With my luck, (if I did that) the fucker would be some scat fetishist.
These are a hoot! I’ve tweeted the link.
“I guess its time to potty-train the monkey.”
consider than one stolen
Use it well
Usually I yell, “I WILL CUT YOUR BANGS WHILE YOU SLEEP” or something of the like. But that Tupperware re-sorting business? Fucking BRILLIANT. I have a new comeback for everything now.
Tell them that you will stab them with mind bullets
Do as I say, or I’ll poop on your bed.
I will cut your balls off and then six months later when they’re all healed up I’ll whif-kick your ghost balls and laugh when you make that retarded kicked-in-the-balls face even though you don’t have balls. Sans ruth.
My personal favorite comes from Dana Gould; “Don’t tell ME I can’t cross the 38th parallel, you PUNK!… I FINISHED my pancakes…”
Now THAT’LL strike fear in the hearts of your enemies, boy howdy.
Ha, that is a good one!
I’m gonna beat your ass then i’m gonna go to your house and beat the shit out of your dad
Once, when I was in 8th grade, a kid tried to fight me. I looked at him right in his eyes and shouted “SHIT IN MY PUSSY”. I am not a girl and this individual left me alone for the rest of the year.
You kinda freaked me out as well, well played
I just burst out laughing.. amazing
I used to just stand there and look bald before I ran. I was bald in high school, but now that I gained 40 pounds or so of solid body mass from my computer security desk job I don’t even try to out run them.
I knew a kid who was about to get his butt kicked in the boys bathroom by the school bully. He scared his assailant away by seizing a urinal cake, bit a huge chunk out of it, and chewed it up and spit it out. The kid was never picked on again by anyone.
I am about to severely beat you on your fists with my face!