In my long search to entertain America (mostly the 7 readers here, Hi mom) I have devised a first date ritual that may not only impress the ladies but bewilder and confuse them at the same time. I don’t know why I think that ladies want to be bewildered but a true Star Wars chick cant help but be impressed by this(my Monte Python idea went down in flames).

The rule is very simple, you can only respond to her by using lines from Star Wars(from the 80’s, the new ones are awful but use what you can).

Her- Thank you for taking me to a nice restaurant I’m a bit upset that you are late.

You- I can feel your anger it gives you focus, it makes you stronger!

Her- I fear that I don’t get your meaning but thank you for acknowledging that.

You- Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.

Her- OK, but I’m not really angry.

You- Anger, fear, aggression the dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.

Her- Ok then. This is a nice place hope its not too spendy for you.

You- If money is all you love, then that’s what you’ll receive.

Her- Again not what I was saying, I just was it was a nice place. Err hmm You look nice!

You- When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not.

Her- So umm, what are your thoughts about our new president?

You- All who gain power are afraid to lose it, even the Jedi.

Her – I guess that’s true, so you like Star Wars I take it. Would you like to be a Jedi or something?

You- I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like my father.

Her- Now you’re just freaking me out, I have to go.

You- I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn’t allow it.

Her- Please put your penis back in your pants, I am leaving

From there it usually devolves into a shouting match and some state authorities are called.

If all else fails tell her that you can make the kessel run in three parsecs, chicks dig that.

If you find the right girl this tactic is magic, magic I say.