December 16th, 2009 § 3
It is hard for me to believe that a man with a perfectly good snow blower would revert to a shovel for any other reasons than to try to show me up. That’s what my neighbor did. Somehow I think I might have disrespected his manhood by implying that a fit younger man is a huge pussy for not using the muscles God gave him.
I never said that! I might have thought that though. » Read the rest of this entry «
December 1st, 2009 § 0
I’m not sure about the proper etiquette when it comes to snow removal from ones driveway. I grew up in the southwest and it was never an issue. The snow fell last night and a few inches are covering my driveway. I got out the snow shovel and started at it. After a few minutes I hear my neighbor crank up his blower, nice if you have it but I like the exercise. » Read the rest of this entry «
November 10th, 2009 § 7
Why is it that every conversation that two men have ends up in a competition more times than not? I know that we are competitive creatures but what leads us to make bets and argue about inane and trivial happenings?
This was not one of those times, this was about pirates! » Read the rest of this entry «
November 4th, 2009 § 20
Brandon! Brandon! Brandon, come here!
That is what I heard for five minutes while we were in the Quicky Mart. Your 3 year old was running all over and knocking stuff down while you and your Whiskey Tango (white trash) wife were getting your post methadone clinic Big Gulps. You would yell every 30 seconds “Brandon come here” like an hillbilly fog horn. I wanted to yell “turn your fat jowls and watch your crotch fruit, yelling Brandon every thirty seconds does not make up for your lack of parenting “.
I chose not to as I just wanted out of there.
I paid and left and I guess you paid as well as you came out of the store as I was unlocking my car. Brandon came running out of the door and straight towards the open traffic. At 2 foot tall he would run right by me and not be seen by the oncoming car.
I glanced at you hoping to see a look of horror as you realized the impending impact but no, you were busy playing with a coupon for Skoal Bandits. I grabbed the kid with my free hand and jerked him back from running in front of the car speeding through the parking lot and then walked him over to you for what I thought would be a hero’s welcome.
Not so much.
You just squared off and said that I should get my hands off of your son. I asked you if you were sure he was your son because your wife looks like a real goer, know what I mean? Say no more. Nudge nudge, wink wink.
I have since found out that Monty Python references seem to make white trash confused and upset and want to fight.
You raised your fists, started to say something and I kicked you square in the nuts. I’m not a fighter, I’m not a lover either but what I am is a cheap bastard and I didn’t want to spill the soda in my right hand. So in retrospect I am sorry I kicked you in the balls but I felt threatened and reacted.
I hope Brandon is ok and you are feeling better.
The soda was delicious.
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