Project Kickass

Sorry that I broke into your car 11 times this year

January 29th, 2010 § 13

I am amazed by the fact that the 2000 Toyota Camry seems to have been only sold in one color and on any given day the parking lot at my work is filled with no less than 8 of said Cameri.

As I exit the front doors of my work every morning to take a break I head for my car with the sun shining directly in my eyes. I usually can make out the color and the model of my car among all of the other cars but the sun is shining in such a way that it is hard to make out many other features. What makes this whole process a bit more sticky is that we all have the same hubcaps with no tint on our windows and all are sans bumper stickers. » Read the rest of this entry «

I have red fever

January 28th, 2010 § 7

There’s no two ways about it, I have red fever. I’m not sure when it started or how started, but it is an illness that I now recognize and have to live with.

I am in love with red hair. It does not matter if it is naturally red or some shade of red, it sets my teeth on edge.

Flo from Progressive, I love you.
Scully from the X files reruns. You rock.

Part of this new found illness is that I don’t differentiate between true redheads and the chemically altered, they are all bewitching.

The girl at the convenience store, rock on.

The chick at the bank with the pink hair, see you on Friday.

The funky chick at my work with the crazy streaks, shine on you crazy diamond.

You all made Roy G Biv your bitch and I love you for it!

Wink Wink Nudge Nudge Say no more

January 8th, 2010 § 16

I see you a few times a week, albeit through the drive up window but we still have our thrice weekly date nights. I attempt to dazzle you with Spanglish and you smile. You always smile, I can never tell if this is truly a warm greeting or its a defense mechanism that you have to hide your tenuous hold on the English language. Either way, I’m ok with this.

I always order the same thing and you always ask me to repeat my self. I re-order in Spanish and wonder why I hadn’t ordered in Spanish to start with. I make a mental note to do this next time. I have made the same note many times and then forget the very next time that I drive through, I guess it is a process. » Read the rest of this entry «

Open letter from my dog

January 6th, 2010 § 6

WTF?
I mean wtf dude?
Why?

I know that I am a little young and a bit rambunctious but why. Do you frequently have those that upset you castrated? You said we we going for a ride. It was never mentioned that the ride would culminate with me loosing my nuts. Would you go on a ride like that?

Ok, I understand that neutering is supposed to make me live longer and better but how about trying a diet or something before you jump to the castration thing.

Was it the frantic running everywhere?

The insensate barking?

The dry-humping of anyone’s leg/couch/pillows/open door jams/boxes/shoes/vacuum cleaner?

Was it the peeing in your shoes? I bet it was the peeing in your shoes.
A little shoe peeing and off with the nuts.

Well whats done is done. I guess Ill just have to live with this, not much I can do. I mean I’m a dog what can I do.

Just know that someday I will I will avenge my junk!