Thats right, you heard me I licked it! I licked your iPhone before you got it. Remember all the calls you made to me asking if we had the iPhone in stock? Recall all the days you kept me late just asking if I knew anything more about it and I said no? Remember all the times you freaked me out in the parking lot by sneaking up on me and asking when the launch would be? » Read the rest of this entry «
The horn at Helm’s Deep
March 12th, 2009 § 13
Why do I keep going there? I loath Walmart. I loath the people there and most of all I loath myself for stepping foot into that backwoods carnival. Yet I go, I try to go at 1 or 2 in the morning to avoid the orcs and assorted Nair-do-wells who are huddled in a RV doing meth and singing Sweet Home Alabama.
Dear reader if I haven’t mentioned it before I would like to state for the record that I have a very strange phobia about Walmart. I cant be in there longer than 10 min’s or I freak out. Ask anyone that has gone with me and they will tell you I have a Darwinian shot clock. I think that the melange of inbreeding and the lack of teeth or footwear just spooks me and 10 minutes is my hair trigger. No matter what I’m doing, at the 10 min mark I just walk.
I digress. » Read the rest of this entry «
Cold feet and nipple rings
February 26th, 2009 § 12
Living in a smaller town where the winter weather makes it hard to travel very far I am rather limited as far as shopping. Usually this is ok as most of the places that I need to are close. I avoid Walmart with all I have. I hate that nexus of the retarded, the morbidly obese (not just regular obese) and mouth-breathers. Walmart is terrible, bla bla and Ill write more about it later but this story isn’t about the store its the horror before I get in.
As usual the parking lot was a bittersweet melange of people that appear to be the cast from a zombie movie and folks that got off of the short bus. I drive slowly as to not hit the 1951 Hudson parked in two handicapped spaces. I pass the VW buss with the broken windows covered with cardboard. I finally park and walk in. » Read the rest of this entry «
