Dearest single ladies of the greater Phoenix area,
As I peruse the internet I happened upon a website called Craigslist and there is a section within that site call Missed Connections where the love-lorn and the star-crossed may leave a binary shout out to their unrequited loves. As I browsed I was struck by the strange absence of my name or postings asking for me. I thought this to be just a mistake as I am pretty awesome. I surmised that you are not descriptive enough in your posts as to catch my attention so, to that end, I have written a Missed Connection for you to use so that you may garner my attention better.
I saw you early monday morning driving to work in your 2000 Toyota Camry. You in your middle aged glory as you listened to talk radio and puffed on your cigarette as you drove exactly the speed limit on the 101. I see you every morning, the sun shining off your balding head. I like the way that you shave rarely and always have a little facial hair going on. You seem to be a quiet sort preferring to read books over watching TV. I can tell by the few extra pounds you carry that you are not athletic but not obese, not even the male version of a BBW which we know is code for fat.
We have never spoke but I can tell you are witty and urbane and yet silly and very random.
A tool with a sense of humor.
If I see you again Ill say hi and make it painfully clear that I would like to have a cup of coffee with you as I can see that you are a social retard and have a hard time picking up on signals.
Thank you, sir – this is exactly what I was looking for. I’m just gonna copy and paste that shit right now. Missed Connections, here I come.
Ahh Rassles, you are a romantic
It is official. This description establishes you as my male twin. We surely must be from the same womb.
Womb-mates?
Bwahahahaha!
I do have a twin sister IRL
Wow, those ladies can be a little harsh, huh? Calling you a tool and a social retard is hardly the way to make a successful connection. But I suppose if the “social retard” signal were made, you wouldn’t pick up on it, so it probably did need to be said outright. But it was awfully nice of you to write this Missed Connection for them. I’m sure they’ll all appreciate it.
Apparently, from the looks of things (ie. our exact nicknames) we must be soul mates, or at least cross-eyed lovers?
Once upon a time, I wrote a personal ad which ran in the newspaper:
“Computer geek/trekkie seeks man who is not afraid of the ‘M’ word. Looks, hairline, weight unimportant.”
We’ve been married 13 years and he is so cool. But now My Name Is Earl has taken the place of Trek. Sad, but you have to move on.
I read the add and am really feeling the vib. Do you mind if I use your add. The only part I would have to change is the slightly balding part?
Go for it, Ill send my Paypal address.
FINALLY! someone else understands the joy and glory of the Craigslist missed connections. I have learned so much from them about the human psyche. Such as , there are two MAJOR places for kismet and star-crossed lovers to meet, resposted over and over again. Walmart, of course, and the gym. Maybe it’s because everyone in either place is in sweatpants and trying to force out all their waterweight from their backfat. Apparently if I want to find my soulmate, I can double up my chances by trolling the produce section while wearing a blue spandex unitard… ” I saw you tuesday at the walmart on 37th st. and Thomas,…you were standing by the radishes… something about the way you smelled and squeezed them for freshness reminded me of my babysitter in 8th grade. Call me!”
Call you or stalk you? Either way.