I tend to be a kind person, a gentleman of sorts.
A goodly fellow well met and a enthusiast of all things nice.
People in Phoenix are driven mad by the heat and might act in a way that they usually wouldn’t.
Case in point, I’m driving down one of our larger streets and its rush hour and hot. Most people just want to get home and out of the heat others get all Jekyll and Hyde. I’m cruising along, doing the speed limit when a large truck appears in the rear view. He is weaving in and out of lanes apparently to get to the red light faster.Never understood this behavior but to each his own. I’m in the right lane and he swerves in behind me in a maneuver that would make Batman proud.
I’m stopped dude!
I know you want to make a right but the lane I’m in goes straight as well, just wait the 25 seconds for the light to change and we are all good.
He wasn’t having it, he lays on the horn as if the sound is some Pavlovian key to make me change my intended route. Honk honk, honk honk oh crap hes out of his car and headed my way.
Did I do something?
I didn’t flip him the bone nor make any aggressive moves.
Time to go through the checklist.
Windows up, check
Doors locked, check
Eyes forward, check
Secondary egress route planned, check
Radio tuned to 80’s music, check
He get up to my window and starts yelling. He is either calling me an ass or he wants to dance, I cant tell. I don’t have time to explain that I’m partially deaf and I don’t think he wants to discuss my disabilities. I have found that if you let these guys blow off steam they’ll go away plus I saw a cop three cars back getting interested in this man who’s blocking traffic and is out of his car hopping mad in the street. Now to be fair he might have been doing a jig instead of hopping but I digress.
He moves towards my windshield as to get in my face or at least as close as an inch of safety glass will allow. I was now in full freak out mode! I didn’t see a weapon and he never bashed my car or made for the door handles but now he was a foot away and as I finished my last chant of “serenity now” I lost all composure.
Have I ever told you about my incredibly powerful windshield water nozzles? I am always amazed that the engineers of the Toyota Camry thought it’d be a good idea to attach fire hoses to bonnet of my car. Its not even the great force and large amount of water that comes out its the speed and trajectory. I almost think it would erode the glass if you used it too much. Its truly amazing!
Back to the narrative, sorry. I hit the wipers and not only does he get in the back but the water stream that does make it to the window hits the corner of the glass on bounces into his face. He backs away, the light turns green and I slowly drive off.
The next red light I come too is only a few hundred meters ahead and I look in the rear view to see a soggy man on the sidewalk, head hung low as he talks to a cop. I look to my left and see a car with 4 people, three laughing and one smiling and giving me not one, but two thumbs up.
I guess the moral to this story (to answer that irate drivers questions) is YES.
Yes I do own the road and yes I am the law!
Great blog, I really liked this post.
it's me too!
LOL very nice. I definitely needed a good laugh today.
This reminds me of my headlamps that are set all skewy..lol…nice work! Now I can plot how to adjust my truck’s gadgets to achieve maximum effect…who would have thought. LOL
Just to add something nice… I have a small hatchback and I am fortunate enough to have not only a wiper in the rear but also a washer… I “adjusted” that washer, because I NEVER use it on the window, so that now if someone is a little too close for comfort behind me, or I see a bug on their window and feel like being nice, I can give them a nice stream of washer fluid right on their windshield… Works great!!!
I know how you feel i live in gilbert Az and people during the summer are not so pleasant thanks to the heat.
I love it when the victim sticks it in and breaks it off in the assholes A**H***; good job, you were lucky he wasn’t carrying a gun.
My favorite is when someone comes out of nowhere and almosts RUNS YOU off the road and as they pass by THEY flip YOU off for good measure….I guess that’s defensive driving LOL
Sweet! I wish my water were that powerful, I’d hose EVERYBODY who starting acting unnecessary!
Had a guy get mad because I was pulling out of a parking space.
Blinker on and I was waiting for a spot in traffic which would have been just behind this guy, but he veered hard left then right to sort of cut me off (but I was still siting still. He flipped me off and then drove away, so I followed him. Actually didn’t “follow him” I pulled into the lane heading home, and he was in the same lane. He continued to make hand and arm signals, so I flipped him off. He stopped his car, got out and started walking back to me. 20 years younger, he looked in good shape, like jockey or something. I got out of my car and started walking towards him and he turned back, jumped in his car and took off. – here is where I mention that I am six foot four, 210 pounds and have a very similar haircut to the one I had in the Marine Corps.
I followed the guy, and he drove really late through a yellow, so I went through the red. We both got stuck at a light so I approached his car and gently tapped on his window, asking that he open his window and talk to me. Got back in the car as he drove away. The next light we stopped at I got out again and by chance a cop was driving towards us. The jockey-driver started blinking his high beams, honking and waving his arms like a mad man. I just waved to the cop, who waved back. The police are very polite near my home. I looked back at jockey-driver and the guy from the car in of him came back to ask why this idiot was honking at him and flashing his brights. I told that driver that this guy was an ass to me too. Got back in my car, turned on the left blinker and passed them both, and jockey-driver was stuck with a new nemesis next to him and a parked car right in front of him.
I’m always a polite driver, but don’t piss me off – get out of the car and come back unless you are really ready.
You’ve hit on one more reason why I left Phoenix. But I leaped into the fire. Drivers here in Brazil are far worse except they rarely become confrontational. But a car in front of them is a challenge to their manhood (even if they are a woman). Any car in front MUST be passed. Even if they slow down after passing you.
Lane markings are only suggestions. Turning left from the right lane or vice versa is considered normal.
Then add in the generally terrible condition of streets and even highways, driving here is more of an adventure than a diversion. Believe it or not, a form of cobblestone is still a current method of paving streets. Asphalt is reserved for major avenues.
That was the worst story ever.
TY for the kind words!
Here in Lubbock it’s almost as bad, but all year ’round. God help us if the guy in the 4WD road hog isn’t the first in line at the red light! Hummers and F350s seem to be the worst.