I tend to be a kind person, a gentleman of sorts.
A goodly fellow well met and a enthusiast of all things nice.
People in Phoenix are driven mad by the heat and might act in a way that they usually wouldn’t.
Case in point, I’m driving down one of our larger streets and its rush hour and hot. Most people just want to get home and out of the heat others get all Jekyll and Hyde. I’m cruising along, doing the speed limit when a large truck appears in the rear view. He is weaving in and out of lanes apparently to get to the red light faster.Never understood this behavior but to each his own. I’m in the right lane and he swerves in behind me in a maneuver that would make Batman proud.
I’m stopped dude!
I know you want to make a right but the lane I’m in goes straight as well, just wait the 25 seconds for the light to change and we are all good.
He wasn’t having it, he lays on the horn as if the sound is some Pavlovian key to make me change my intended route. Honk honk, honk honk oh crap hes out of his car and headed my way.
Did I do something?
I didn’t flip him the bone nor make any aggressive moves.
Time to go through the checklist.
Windows up, check
Doors locked, check
Eyes forward, check
Secondary egress route planned, check
Radio tuned to 80’s music, check
He get up to my window and starts yelling. He is either calling me an ass or he wants to dance, I cant tell. I don’t have time to explain that I’m partially deaf and I don’t think he wants to discuss my disabilities. I have found that if you let these guys blow off steam they’ll go away plus I saw a cop three cars back getting interested in this man who’s blocking traffic and is out of his car hopping mad in the street. Now to be fair he might have been doing a jig instead of hopping but I digress.
He moves towards my windshield as to get in my face or at least as close as an inch of safety glass will allow. I was now in full freak out mode! I didn’t see a weapon and he never bashed my car or made for the door handles but now he was a foot away and as I finished my last chant of “serenity now” I lost all composure.
Have I ever told you about my incredibly powerful windshield water nozzles? I am always amazed that the engineers of the Toyota Camry thought it’d be a good idea to attach fire hoses to bonnet of my car. Its not even the great force and large amount of water that comes out its the speed and trajectory. I almost think it would erode the glass if you used it too much. Its truly amazing!
Back to the narrative, sorry. I hit the wipers and not only does he get in the back but the water stream that does make it to the window hits the corner of the glass and bounces into his face. He backs away, the light turns green and I slowly drive off.
The next red light I come to is only a few hundred meters ahead and I look in the rear view to see a soggy man on the sidewalk, head hung low as he talks to a cop. I look to my left and see a car with 4 people, three laughing and one smiling and giving me not one, but two thumbs up.
I guess the moral to this story (to answer that irate drivers questions) is YES.
Yes I do own the road and yes I am the law!
Twitter
Facebook
RSS
StumbleUpon
Great blog, I really liked this post.
it's me too!
LOL very nice. I definitely needed a good laugh today.
This reminds me of my headlamps that are set all skewy..lol…nice work! Now I can plot how to adjust my truck’s gadgets to achieve maximum effect…who would have thought. LOL
Just to add something nice… I have a small hatchback and I am fortunate enough to have not only a wiper in the rear but also a washer… I “adjusted” that washer, because I NEVER use it on the window, so that now if someone is a little too close for comfort behind me, or I see a bug on their window and feel like being nice, I can give them a nice stream of washer fluid right on their windshield… Works great!!!
I know how you feel i live in gilbert Az and people during the summer are not so pleasant thanks to the heat.
I love it when the victim sticks it in and breaks it off in the assholes A**H***; good job, you were lucky he wasn’t carrying a gun.
My favorite is when someone comes out of nowhere and almosts RUNS YOU off the road and as they pass by THEY flip YOU off for good measure….I guess that’s defensive driving LOL
Sweet! I wish my water were that powerful, I’d hose EVERYBODY who starting acting unnecessary!
Had a guy get mad because I was pulling out of a parking space.
Blinker on and I was waiting for a spot in traffic which would have been just behind this guy, but he veered hard left then right to sort of cut me off (but I was still siting still. He flipped me off and then drove away, so I followed him. Actually didn’t “follow him” I pulled into the lane heading home, and he was in the same lane. He continued to make hand and arm signals, so I flipped him off. He stopped his car, got out and started walking back to me. 20 years younger, he looked in good shape, like jockey or something. I got out of my car and started walking towards him and he turned back, jumped in his car and took off. – here is where I mention that I am six foot four, 210 pounds and have a very similar haircut to the one I had in the Marine Corps.
I followed the guy, and he drove really late through a yellow, so I went through the red. We both got stuck at a light so I approached his car and gently tapped on his window, asking that he open his window and talk to me. Got back in the car as he drove away. The next light we stopped at I got out again and by chance a cop was driving towards us. The jockey-driver started blinking his high beams, honking and waving his arms like a mad man. I just waved to the cop, who waved back. The police are very polite near my home. I looked back at jockey-driver and the guy from the car in of him came back to ask why this idiot was honking at him and flashing his brights. I told that driver that this guy was an ass to me too. Got back in my car, turned on the left blinker and passed them both, and jockey-driver was stuck with a new nemesis next to him and a parked car right in front of him.
I’m always a polite driver, but don’t piss me off – get out of the car and come back unless you are really ready.
You’ve hit on one more reason why I left Phoenix. But I leaped into the fire. Drivers here in Brazil are far worse except they rarely become confrontational. But a car in front of them is a challenge to their manhood (even if they are a woman). Any car in front MUST be passed. Even if they slow down after passing you.
Lane markings are only suggestions. Turning left from the right lane or vice versa is considered normal.
Then add in the generally terrible condition of streets and even highways, driving here is more of an adventure than a diversion. Believe it or not, a form of cobblestone is still a current method of paving streets. Asphalt is reserved for major avenues.
That was the worst story ever.
TY for the kind words!
Here in Lubbock it’s almost as bad, but all year ’round. God help us if the guy in the 4WD road hog isn’t the first in line at the red light! Hummers and F350s seem to be the worst.
=== popurls.com === popular today…
yeah! this story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
It irks me that every time someone tells a story of resistance in the face of road rage someone says “you’re lucky they didn’t have a gun.” Obviously it’s a calculated risk: chance they have (and would use) a gun vs. chance you’ll feel totally awesome for sticking it to them.
I don’t buy this story, something happened earlier of which you’re probably unaware probably because you drive like a dozy old granny and this guy drove like an idiot to catch you for some reason. Maybe you ran over a kid or an animal, or merged into a motorcyclist. It never ceases to amaze me how unaware people are when they’re driving. That this person got angry at you for no apparent reason strongly suggests you drive with blinkers.
I do have a dog name Blinkers but alas, he was not with me that day.
Love this story. Excellent.
two thumbs up from me too
Right Lane… Right Turn…
Ohhh….so you’re the asshole who blocks the right hand lane when you’re going straight. Obviously this guy had some anger management issues, but I have certainly wanted to tell the one vehicle at a three lane intersection what a selfish fucktard he was for blocking the right turn lane when he’s going straight. It’s called having some common consideration for others, idiot….oh yeah….but you think own the road and you think you are the law. Jackass.
Ohhh….so you’re the moron who blocks the right hand lane when you’re going straight. Obviously this guy had some anger management issues, but I have certainly wanted to tell the one vehicle at a three lane intersection what a selfish retard he was for blocking the right turn lane when he’s going straight. It’s called having some common consideration for others, idiot….oh yeah….but you think own the road and you think you are the law.
Mom?
Aaaaaactually, when there are three lane roads with stop lights, it’s generally a commerce district. Or at least it is in my city. Meaning that a number of people need to turn right not just at intersections, but at random points along the road. So if you need to turn right soon, the intelligent thing to do so that you are not forced to cut someone off is to be in the right lane ahead of time. That’s if you feel like being considerate of others, that is.
P.S. – and my mother refuses to acknowledge that women are becoming as aggressive as men as drivers.
You’re pretty daft.
The right-hand lane is the correct lane to be in, UNLESS you are PERFORMING a passing maneuver.
Before you say others are inconsiderate, you should check up on the laws yourself.
In my humble opinion, of course.
Please Fuck Off! Right turn on red is not something you HAVE to have. If a lane goes straight as well as right, FUCK OFF! If you come up challenging me I’ll run your fucking ass over and call it self-defense you self-righteous prick.
I am giving you not one but two thumbs up from New Zealand.
Thought you might like to know that.
Are you The Flight of The Concords, could you pretend to be them?
I still wouldn’t want to drive on the same road as you.
So basically what I got out of this is that if you would have moved over to the left side of your lane and let the cars that want to turn right pass on through, it could have been avoided completely.
Be a decent person next time and let the cars pass instead of parking yourself in the middle of the lane like an inconsiderate jerk.
Well said, next time I will ram into all of the cars to my left.
Congrats on making reddit.com. It’s a nice story, well told, and as a frequent target of road rage (we law followers are a royal PIA to the rest of the world) I LOVED the outcome. Rah!
By the way – say hello to my daughters – one in Phoenix and one in Tucson.
Are they single? Trust fund maybe?
Nice job dealing with an asshole, but you were being a bit of dick as well. Its simple, if you are going straight there is no need for you to be so inconsiderate as to stop in the right most lane, preventing others for turning right on red.
I was in Phoenix a couple of years ago. I was crossing Indian School Road on Central headed south. When the crosswalk lit up, I started walking. Big rich car rolls forward into my leg.
When I yell, guy behind the wheel just sort of waves me off. I walk back to his left window and he is not only talking on a cellphone, operating a laptop, but he has another cell phone in his right ear.
I carry a cane. I got the hood, the left and rear panels and the trunk. Mercedes Benz, I believe. It wasn’t till I was breaking out his taillights that he caught on that I was pissed.
Never even looked, just floored it straight into traffic.
People braked and he was still doing his big man thing as he went north.
Repairs had to have cost 7 to 10 grand.
Brent, poster #5,,,,Aww, I just realized he posted that comment a year ago, oh well. Here goes anyway. If you wanna be more aggressive with your rear window washer, and you have the nozzle pointed to the rear, replace the washer fluid in the reservoir with diesel fuel. It won’t burn your car down, its relatively difficult to ignite, but it rips the daylights out of natural rubber, which is what almost all wiper blades are made from. If the guy behind has to turn on his wipers, the fuel will turn the rubber to mush, and it will smear black all over his windshield.
That was brilliant. Own that road. Make it yours, more thumbs up from New Zealand.
I remember after my first daughter was born, she had to be taken to another hospital, so a day after that my mother-in-law drove me down to the hospital she was at. I had just had a c-section so I was still quite tender, and when we merged into the next lane, some guy took this as a threat to his manhood and not only passed us but as he was passing he almost swerved into us on purpose. I wasn’t in my right mind at the time, but I really wish I had gotten the license plate of that jerk. I’m not sure I understand humanity most of the time.