I just wanted to eat my quesadilla, it’s my one joy in the week. Every Wednesday I sit at a picnic table next to the photo booth turned Mexican restaurant enjoying my cheesy plunder. It’s a ritual that I have had for years. It is the only hour in my week that is peaceful. No one is screaming in my ear about domain names, MX records or shared hosting.
I digress.
As I sat there you came rolling up in your huge truck and parked 3 feet in front of me. I could barely hear the dulcet tones of Fiona Apple blaring from your cab as you and your girlfriend sang along. Our eyes locked and you scowled at me as if to say “Fucking breeder”.
That’s when I knew that this wouldn’t be a peaceful Wednesday at Los Betos.
You exited your truck with your young girlfriend in tow. You needed to mark your territory and show me you are a manly man albeit with saggy breasts and sans penis. You stood in front of me and asked “what the fuck you looking at ?”
Let me state here that I don’t do confrontation well, I avoid it as best as I can. That being said, I am a student of the school of overwhelming force.
If its worth doing its worth overdoing!
“A great flannel nightmare and sexual abuse about 20 years ago” I retorted as I returned to my cheesy fare.
“What the Fuck dude, I will Fuck you….”
” Let me stop you there. I understand that you need to make up up for the lack of being able to pee standing up by trying to act tough in front of your girlfriend, who is young, confused and about 4 months away from the epiphany that she does indeed like dick and needs to get away from your dominance. I am not going to be the proof that you are a big man even though you are, indeed big. So let me eat in peace and tell your girlfriend to stop staring at my package, my eyes are up here.”
I lowered my eyes a bit, not to show submission but to allow her to save a modicum of face by not appearing to stare her down.
She waddled to her truck, got in and left.
I’m like Popeye. Instead of spinach, cheese is my power food and instead of being strong I become a super tool.
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I like this title on this one.
I love this post.
Thank you, that is all.
For someone who doesn’t deal with confrontation well, I’d say you handled that lezzer pretty well. Would it have pushing it if you gave her girlfriend your number and said, “call me when you’re interested in unwrapping my package”?
That would have involved me getting up and doing something, Im very lazy.
(Hey man nice shot) Nice avoidance of a butch granny ass-kickin…
Love is blind, and apparently lust is either. rock on man!
I would have popped him one where his chin was supposed to be.
But what you did was better.
I once had two gay guys make diparaging remarks about my ass in a restaurant. As a straight guy, I didn’t know if I should’ve been happy, or insulted.
Rosie O’Donnell drives a truck?!
This is easily my favorite of your posts.