Project Kickass

Why is it that every conversation that two men have ends up in a competition more times than not? I know that we are competitive creatures but what leads us to make bets and argue about inane and trivial happenings?

This was not one of those times, this was about pirates!

I was having lunch with a co-worker and we both mused how the majority of adults that come to work in Halloween costumes do so as pirates. Sexy pirates, mean pirates, angry pirates and comical pirates. Oh and the pirate from HR. He thought he would make a good real life pirate and when asked why “cause I have a bird at home”.

“You have a bird? That is your CV for piracy? You are not 1/10 the pirate I am” I said.  That was the genesis for the duel, a new battle, who is the most pirate. The game needs to be played with a referee to make the final call and we chose the HR guy and the prize was a bag of Skittles and the pride of making a nickname for the looser that can and should be used at the most embarrassing times.

The rules are very simple, list 3 reasons why you would make a good pirate.

He started

1. Has a bird who often sits upon his shoulder.

2. Knows how to sail.

3. Has black leather pirate boots that he purchased at the Renaissance fair.

After I finished laughing at him it was my turn.

1. Because of partial facial paralysis I don’t close my right eye fully when I sleep so I wear an eye patch when I sleep and have for years.

2. My right leg is has some nerve damage and when I am tired I walk with a limping gate almost as if, wait for it, I had a wooden leg.

3. I can wear the shit out of a pirate hat! (I tossed a softball on the last one as I was sure that I was way more pirate).

The vote was closer that I thought it would be but the outcome was what I thought it would be.

I sat eating my candy plunder in front of my buddy turned nemesis turned purveyor of Skittles. He rose to leave and tipped his cap. He got ten feet away before I bellowed “well played princess sailor boots, well played indeed”.