I should have known better. I only had one item to get, I knew it was close to the cash register and I would get out of there relatively unscathed.

Effing Walmart!

I wasn’t going to fight rush hour traffic just to go to the real-people store, I just needed a case of Diet Coke.

I walked in and was immediately hit with the familiar smell of dirt, BO and fat. I was 10 seconds in and had my Coke and was in line. I checked my 6 for carnies and the ambulatory half-dead that inhabit this place, nada. I was out in less than 3 minutes.

I walked to the far corner of the parking lot where I always park, this gives me 3 clear egress points where I have no traffic to impede my quick get away.

I see a car has parked next to me. Was it a nice car  parked there so it remained unmolested by the meth-addled denizens of this low priced nether world? No, it was a ford POS with the windows rolled up and dog tied to the wheel.

It is a very warm 97 degrees out today, not bad for a dog laying in the shade but in a car with the windows rolled up it,s about 120 degrees.  The dog is panting and howling as it scrapes the widows. There is no one  coming soon and judging by the fact that car wasn’t here 4 minutes ago and now is,  I thought the owner might be in Walmart for a while.

There is shade in the spot directly in front of the car and I look inside the car to see if its a stick. I could pop it neutral and push it to the shade, no such luck. I get in my car, throw it in reverses and pull up to the rear bumper of the POS. I give it a little gas, no good, I drop the Road Warrior (really a 2000 Toyota Camry) into 2nd and punch it while playing the theme song from Cops in my head. I hit reverse again and the swing into the space next to the car. The tire marks that are left are heavy and black, and dare I say, totally boss!

I pull out my Mag light as I exit my car and smash his left rear window, the dog jumps a bit but is other wise happy about the fresh air. I walk around to the right side and, after a few hits, take care of the driver’s window. The odd thing here is that I didn’t break the window I just hit it a few times and it dropped into the door well. I gave the dog some water that  I had, filled up the cup holders and then took the 64 oz soda I had with me  and dumped it in the passenger seat. The liquid soaked through and the dog ate the ice.

The dog was now in the shade with proper ventilation and I had to run.

Sir, I am sorry that you will have to replace the widows but  judging by the $2000 rims and wheels  that you have on a $800 car you might want to consider a new car instead.

Besides your whole tail light assembly is smashed all to hell.