Are you listening?

I hear that a few times a month. I should be grateful that I do hear it seeing that I am deaf in the right ear and have 50% hearing in the left. I supplement my hearing by reading lips. Now I don’t have any formal training but I guess I just picked up what I needed to get by.

Most would assume that this is a great hindrance, but I say no! This has opened a new world of con-foolery and slick-trickery to me. » Read the rest of this entry «

I just wanted to eat my quesadilla, it’s my one joy in the week. Every Wednesday I sit at a picnic table next to the photo booth turned Mexican restaurant enjoying my cheesy plunder. It’s a ritual that I have had for years. It is the only hour in my week that is peaceful. No one is screaming in my ear about domain names, MX records or shared hosting.

I digress. » Read the rest of this entry «

You are a very nice guy. Of all the dentists I have gone to, your office is the most comfortable. Whether it is your always pleasant staff or the genuine warmth that you show when you great your patients you make my least favorite place bearable.

You are always efficient, dare I say speedy when you need to drill or perform some other unpleasant procedure. I get the sense that you know its an uncomfortable situation and you wish to make it as fast and painless for me and your other patients.

That was, until Wednesday.

You started with a Novocaine shot as usual and then the humming began. You always hum to the Muzak that plays in your office. Usually no big deal, I have even heard you whistle a few times.

I don’t recall if this song was playing at the time or if it was just a tune you may have heard a few moments earlier but when a man in a mask is 2 inches from your face humming “Feel like making love” I tend to freak out. There are many things that will start the launch sequence on one of my freak outs and I thought I was aware off all of them.

You found a new one.

After a few seconds the humming subsided and I felt a bit more calm. That’s when the whistling started.  I was hopped up on Novocain and full of the usual phobias that come with people poking the nerves in my mouth. My head was swirling as clouds of tooth dust flew past me and all of these strange dental instruments were going in and out of my field of vision.

As soon as it started it stopped.

You told me I was done and would be numb for a bit and I should  schedule my next appointment with the young lady at the desk. On the way to front desk I stopped in the restroom to collect myself before facing your secretary. I splashed water on my face and washed my hands and as I looked for a paper towel your saving grace appeared.

Cloth towels! Dozens of them, all neatly packed into wicker gift basket adjacent to the sink. I looked around for a paper towel as these are almost certainly for decoration. None, nada! This was it. These are for customers.

Dear reader, do you know the trouble one has to go through to refill a basket like this?

So Mr. Dentist I doff my cap to you! You are a goodly fellow well met and have repaired any damage you might have done with your humming.

I’ll see you on the 15th at 10:30.

Living in a smaller town where the winter weather makes it hard to travel very  far I am rather limited as far as shopping. Usually this is ok as most of the places that I need to are close. I avoid Walmart with all I have. I hate that nexus of the retarded, the morbidly obese (not just regular obese) and mouth-breathers. Walmart is terrible, bla bla and Ill write more about it later but this story isn’t about the store its the horror before I get in.

As usual the parking lot was a bittersweet melange of people that appear to be the cast from a zombie movie and folks that got off of the short bus. I drive slowly as to not hit the 1951 Hudson parked in two handicapped spaces. I pass the VW buss with the broken windows covered with cardboard. I finally park and walk in. » Read the rest of this entry «