I swear mam, no one is calling you that.
That would be highly unprofessional and totally not keeping in the vein of great customer service you have received lo these many years.
What lo?
Its an old timey word, like in the Bible.
I use it to distract my customers from asking why a grown man is standing ten feet away from me and yelling “Snack hole” while pumping his fist in the air and deciding on a nutty bar or a star crunch. » Read the rest of this entry «

-When looking in the mirror to shave you might notice that you have one eyebrow hair that is a little longer than the rest.

-You might look at the clippers that you use to trim your beard as a good idea to fix the problem.

-Even though you set the guard on the clippers a bit longer to compensate, the angles of your eyebrow change as you go.

- You now have an eyebrow with little divots in it like Vanilla Ice, but neither of you are cool.

- Don’t try to even them out by lowering the length setting and shaving both eyebrows.

- Short eyebrow hairs are very light and look as if you have no eyebrows. » Read the rest of this entry «

Dear Human Resources representative, I apologize that I made that mistake. It was a solar flare that disrupted the earth’s magnetic field and thereby slightly altering my sense of north and south. I have already checked with NOAA and have the data to prove as much.

That’s the only excuse I have for walking into the woman’s bathroom. Either that or I am just a total tool with ADD and a poor grasp on spacial recognition. » Read the rest of this entry «

No, this is the good one!

Thats the joke I like to play on those that seem a bit uncomfortable asking me about my eye. Its actually a replaced cornea that was badly scarred. I wish I had a good story about how it happened like I was injured trying to find Ossama Bin Laden or it was injured during a fight with ghost pirates. Alas nothing as glamorous. The iris is stretched and it looks like a cat eye. I usually hear “That’s cool”.
I digress. » Read the rest of this entry «