I hate the “About me” section of most sites so I’ll leave you with some facts about me.
1. I have, in a four year period, eaten my body weight in cheese.
2. I yell “Suck it geeks” at least 4 times a day.
3. I got out of a speeding ticket when a cop pulled me over and asked if I knew what I was doing and I replied ‘That’s what she said”.
4. I never drink the last 1/4 of a soda.
5. I am simultaneously filled with self-doubt and an exaggerated sense of self-worth.
6. I never say “good bye” at the end of a phone call. I just hang up.
7. When entering a bathroom I always look for a urinal to be sure that I walked into the correct bathroom.
8. In the past 6 months I have not worn the same pair of socks twice.
9. After many emails I feel the need to answer this question, yes English is my first language.
A few years back I had a severe brain injury that left the right hemisphere of my brain damaged. So, if my syntax is a little off or I spell a word backwards its not that I am being lazy or not proof-reading it just looks correct in my head.
I catch most mistakes and proof read before I post, otherwise suck it geeks.
Feel free to write me or just the word poop over and over.
I will never sell or share your info!
Rest assured that I will judge you though.
Chris@ProjectKickAss.com
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You have no idea how much I cherish being invited to write the word poop over and over.
I am also going to begin randomly yelling ’suck it geeks’.
Its the rage.
It appears that we have #’s 1, 4, 5, and 7 in common.
So here’s the deal Skip i read everything on this site in one day! Instead of working and making my deadlines, I decided today I needed to be paid to read your site… and i am sooo happy! If ever I’ve had a crush this is it good sir, this is it.
I hope that your crush comes along with gifts of some kind. I see by your email you seem to distribute something, I like diet coke!
So you don’t wear socks twice…hmmm..what about underwear?
Wait..Don’t answer..Never mind!
Random fact about me:
I ask questions, the answers to which I don’t really care!
I wear socks but have a hundred pair and so far not the same pair twice.
Good stuff on your site.. I liked the photos…
Collector, neurotic, or beneficiary of sock windfall?
Guilty on all three.
Wow! I also have, in particular, #’s 1, 4, 5, and 7 in common. That is almost creepy. No, it is!
Could we like maybe have a club or something? It could be big. Who knows?
But one thing. I don’t actually participate in #4 as I, in fact, drink the entire soda as I am at one with my own spit. Still, my father and his mother very are very much #6, though I only inherited the alcoholism gene, not the phone one.
Can we still have a club?
If you cant commit to #4 I have to question your fake club worthiness.
can I be in the club if I only drink the TOP 1/4 of my sodas? Seriously, so sweet….hurts…teeth…ouch
I wasn’t aware of a club, but ya. You’re in.
Good stuff, Chris… You have a new fan in me… Well… not actually IN me, but… you know what I mean.
I think.
TY, I think
another fan
You have brought a smile to my face. Thank you for you!
You are very sweet, TY
Hey Chris,
I wanted to tell you that I enjoy the way you write. You seem genuinely honest and that’s one of the things I appreciate. I will read
Do you use any instant messaging applications? Mind if you share more of your contact information with me?
more and then try to come back with another email
Thank you.
Best regards,
Alex
Looks like we have #2, 4, 5, 6 and 9 in common.
(Possibly #1 as well, depending on what your body weight actually is…)
ps. Great site:)
marry me <3
Ok, will do! I am literally that easy!
F*ck, tears of laughter at 6.42am on a Monday morning, what a brilliant way to start my week. Thanks Chris you’re a star and have a avid new fan.
Oh and BTW if the right side of your brain is damaged, have you developed a better insight into how women think as you’re obviously now having to use your female ie left side more.
If so PLEASE HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND THEM… LOL !!!
Have a deservedly brilliant day, or if not, don’t worry cos tomorrow will be, just to balance it….
Cheers for now,
Andy.
Bravo.
Very cool site.
I never would have found you without Stumble…
You are quite the clever young man!!
I will be back!
holy shit other than the brain injury i might as well have been reading my bio right now
#3 : as he was walking up, me brushing teeth…he looked, laughed, & walked away…the next week, same blueMeanie caught me…he looked, laughed, & walked away
#5, 6, 9 : understood
goodStuff…aaauuummm…
(refer : FB)
You are my new favorite blogger..i love your style of writing…been chuckling at everything i’ve seen so far…lol
Mom?
This site is pretty much genius. Keep up the good work.
You sir, are fantastic.
I don’t even need to say more than that.
You are very sweet and may now be my girlfriend
Enjoyed your site immensely.
I’m only sorry I didn’t get here sooner. It would seem the women who got here before me have you nearly married! I’ll wait till after the divorce. I’m first in line for that!
Im still up for grabs, these Internet chicks have no follow-through
You tricky son of a gun. Trying to hide your aboutness from us! Or at least me…
Yes, I will take it personally. I was inspired by you to start a blog and then realized I am completely uninteresting, so I’m blaming you for that too and am now comfortable in saying that you’ve ruined my life. What shall we do to rectify this situation?
has anyone told you that you are the bestest hero person of the internet?
Not as of yet, but ty for the kind words.
Thank you for the exceptionally entertaining posts. I frequent your blog more than my own.
“5. I am simultaneously filled with self-doubt and an exaggerated sense of self-worth.”
It’s good to know that isn’t just me.
<3
TY for the kind words and yes, it is just you.
This is really funny stuff. I think we could have a bromance brewing you said you liked my ad I just said I like your site, who knows where this will lead.
P.S Don’t worry about the grammar Nazi’s I fight them to. I suffered a severe right testicle injury which effects my writing and has made me slightly dyslectic.
P.S.S I eat cheese to! I like smelly cheeses how about you??
P.S.S.S Whew my gut is really bubbling I’m going to have to cut this short as I’m prairie dogging .
you have absolutley made my day. LOVE your sense of humor!! you are officially bookmarked. keep going!!
Mom??
I found your blog through stumble, and you have made me laugh out loud. Literally, not in that LOL kind of way where you just find something mildly amusing. Out loud, like when I watch MST3K.
There are so many comments I want to make, but I think I will space them out over time so as not to overwhelm you with my wit and knowledge.
You are most kind and I get your subtext, so yes, you may be my fake Interweb girlfriend.
If I am your fake girlfriend does that mean you will take me out for a fake dinner and fake movie?
Sure, why not
Found this site at random…pretty damn funny. Cameri. lol
Im not good with the grammar and syntax
HAH i accidentally friended you on my husband’s facebook. will correct this when I un-laze myself and walk 5 feet to my laptop that is signed into all of my interwebbery.
You do all the wonderful things that I only dream about. How many times have i wished to hose down a ridiculously angry person in traffic? A million. Literally.
Anyways, great site, going to be checking in often.
TY for the fake friendship on FB
i put my socks in the drawer but they still seem to disappear, i fear that they will never come back. how whack is that?
Very whack indeed!
You, senor, have made it on “the shit list.”
Blogs I give a shit about;
-College Smollege
-That Girl In Mexico
-Project Kickass
Not in any particular order.
p.s. My pops has that same deal with the whole hearing, or lack of, thing. I dig reading about your encounters that involve that aspect of you…
TY for placing me on the list
me me me me me me me me me me me
i am blogging on your blog, now.
you sir are a tool. but a most glorious one. Rest easy tonight knowing that I DJ FroZone approve of your existence. Celebrate.
TY for the kind words !
You are quite hilarious. Please continue to combat stupidity with smartassery. I eagerly await your next story.
May all your quesadillas be crisp,
Nate
Does dog poop count? I write about that regularly. Farts? Not so much, but at my age, they do pop up–and not just in conversation.
I love blogs that make me laugh.
Hello, I like the new layout. Ive added this to my stumbleapon thread, and I really enjoy your humor and view of the world. Thanks alot
TY for your kind words
Like the new layout. Too much time on your hands?
Hand time